Dear United Methodist Church,

I have been a Methodist for 7 years now.   Very early on I entered the candidacy for ordained ministry and began the long journey towards becoming an ordained elder.  Part of this process involved a lot of paperwork, years of being mentored by seasoned pastors, interviews with numerous boards and of course, completing seminary.   I was grateful for each step of the journey because it sent the message that we as a denomination take ordination seriously and desire to help any one who feels called to flourish in the service of Christ’s Church.  

With 6 years worth of paperwork, board reviews, interviews, and mentors now behind me I find myself faced with a moral dilemma.  You see, I thought somewhere along the way the question would come up.    I was certain that given our desire as a denomination to be faithful to the practices of Christian life and teaching that someone, somewhere, would invite me into their office or out for coffee to ask about this.   But no one has.   And so with just one week left before I graduate seminary, I have a confession to make.

I am divorced.

Now, it is true that I was asked this question in the first batch of paperwork I filled out to begin the long candidacy process.  There was a checkbox, if I remember, that asked whether I had ever been divorced.   I checked, “yes.”   And from that moment on, I have been waiting for that call – the one that goes something like, “Chad, before we can even consider you for ordination we need to know everything about your first marriage and what brought it to an end.”   But the phone never rang.  

Jesus tells us in no uncertain terms that a man can divorce his wife if she has been unfaithful.   My first wife, as far as I know, was faithful.   The truth is, we were just young and reckless and neither of us would have identified ourselves as Christians back then.   I left her because I was selfish.    She has since remarried and so have I, which brings me to another dilemma:

My second wife is also in her second marriage, and according to Jesus, we are both committing adultery (Mark 10:11-12).

I wish this were all I had to confess, but there is more.

Paul says in his letter to Timothy that a servant of the church must be faithful to his wife and manage his children and household well (1 Tim. 3:12).    I’m guilty of transgressing every letter of this.    There are times when I look at a woman with lust in my heart, which, according to Jesus, means I commit adultery – and I guess I do it enough that I could be classified as a “practicing adulterer.”     Add to this, my 5 children are sometimes, if not often, unruly.   They don’t always do as I tell them and I fear I am less a parent as I should be since much of my time the past 6 years has been devoted to interviews, board inquiries, paperwork, serving a church and attending seminary.    In the midst of all of that, I have not managed my household well.    In fact, I have incurred quite a bit of debt through this entire ordeal, causing financial strain upon my household.   

I understand this was probably an oversight on your part.   We are a large denomination and sometimes things can fall through the cracks.   Indeed, with all the emphasis on making sure practicing homosexuals do not get through the gate, it’s understandable why a lousy husband and father and adulterer like me would slip through.  

So it is with a heavy heart that I beg you: Please do not ordain me.    To do so would tarnish the faithful witness to Christian life and practice that we as a denomination seek to uphold in all things thereby causing me to question whether or not this is a Church worthy of all the sacrifices me and my family made in order to serve her.

Sincerely,

Chad Holtz